The power of (not) now

Eckhart Tolle, a leading voice in the mindfulness movement is best known for his international best seller, ‘The Power of Now’.

I, of course have read it, as well as his follow on, ‘practicing the power of now’. His simple wisdom seems attainable to even the most novice of mindful warriors. He encourages that we continually return to the now, this moment, right here, right now. It is believed to quieten the mind, to simplify our lives. It emits regret and worry, which are said to be wasted emotions because, you guessed it; all we have is now.

I fully support the concept, and I try to put it to practice when I can, primarily during a meditation or at the onset of an anxiety episode. I think it complements the Italian concept of ‘La Dolce Far Niente’, perfectly, and can, when done correctly, limit the traffic in our minds. However, I believe it shouldn’t be taken too seriously or should I say rigidly. In limiting ourselves to only this moment, we risk losing the beautiful experience of memories and dreams which have personally really helped me through some tough times. It was during a podcast that Fearne Cotton did with Meik Wiking (season 10, episode 5 of ‘The Happy Place’ podcast) that he challenges this concept of being limited to the present. The context was discussing people’s happiness during Covid and how it was a great example of it truly being ok if you want to escape, momentarily, to a joyous memory of the past. Relishing in the richness of the travels you once took, as you remain limited in week 20 of a lockdown with no end in sight. It’s laughing uncontrollably with loved ones about what happened that one time back in high school.

It’s also daring to dream again; of imagining a reality that’s different to the one you’re currently in. Planning a wedding when you can be celebrating with an unlimited number of guests again. Travelling overseas with your children for the first time, smelling and tasting a culture different to your own.

{Meik Wiking is the author of ‘The little book of Hygge’, and in the podcast he gives you an insight into the worlds happiest people, the Danish. Spoiler alert; they light candles more, love to get cosy and eat more pastries than the rest of us- sounds like they’re onto something!}

In my experience, parenting is one of those examples where being in the moment, is sometimes the hardest and scariest things to do. Let’s push aside the continual unsolicited advice you get to ‘soak up every moment’ or ‘enjoy it whilst you can’, because sometimes when your eyes are burning with tiredness, your breasts tender, your shoulder frozen stiff and your head pounding from your toddler’s big release and it’s only 7am, the LAST place you want to be, is there, in that moment. Let’s allow our minds to wonder, to escape to an easier time, just for a moment, let us imagine waking naturally after a full night’s sleep (I don’t ask for much).

After a particularly tough few days, Rich and I would often play a game we called ‘remember when, imagine when’. We would each take it in turn to remind each other of something we used to do, such as;

‘Remember when we would nap at 4pm and wake a couple of hours later and just casually head to a restaurant for dinner, maybe even swing by the movie theatre on the way home and watch a 10.30pm viewing?!’

‘Remember when we would eat breakfast and then get back in bed, because it was a Sunday and there was nothing else to do?!’

We’d then move it onto our future together;

‘Imagine when we wake before the girls and we can enjoy a coffee together, as the sun rises?!’

Or

‘Imagine when we can go to restaurants again, without timing it around naps and bedtimes…’

This 10-minute game would flood our body with endorphins, make us smile and giggle and we’d lie in each other’s arms, grateful for the now, this moment with each other as we time travelled backwards and forwards, returning to our beautiful messy life with more gratitude than 10 minutes previous. This exercise gifts us the power of perspective, of knowing that everything is temporary, always evolving. I have no doubt in my mind these years with little-ones goes fast, I may well 50 years from now, play that game and say ‘remember when Wren used to rub spit on my leg if I scratched it, because she thought it healed it’, it will probably melt my heart thinking of her tiny hands and her thoughtful nature. Time is funny like that, the memory of sleep deprivation, mind fog and toddler tantrums will probably fade, but the sweet moments will be amplified in my mind.

 I vow to never whisper that phrase upon any new parents; ‘soak it all in’ and ‘enjoy every moment’. I’ll kindly say, ‘you have permission to escape this moment if it helps you cope, think back to some good times and remember that you didn’t always wear a sick-stained baggy top, you once rocked a sequin gold dress and yes, that dress will have its day again. Escape the now, if you need to, because we all deserve to dream…’

That’s shamelessly leads me onto my favourite song of the moment; Xavier Rudds latest, ‘We deserve to dream’. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched/listened to it this week, but each time I do, it brings me something else, so here it is for you to experience yourself;