People always get soppy and show outward displays of their love around this time, don’t they? St.Valentine will be pleased. Not with us though, Feb 14th often passes us by unnoticed, that is because 3 days previously we have a private celebration of our own love story. On February 11th 2006 Richard asked me to be his girlfriend. Now just in case you read that wrong, yes, it was SIXTEEN years ago. I was in fact 16 myself. So, the day has come where I have been with him, as long as I’ve been with myself. Wow.
What’s our secret? Is there a secret? I’d argue, no, there isn’t. What I can say with certainty is that neither of us are the person we were back then. A recent podcast I listened to with Ellen Fisher and Kim Unami explained it well regards long relationships that work, and ones that don’t. It’s about stagnation. If you stay where you are, continuing to be who you are, without movement, change or growth, then you (and your relationship) will stagnate. Just like a healthy river; you gotta keep flowin’.
Thankfully, we have both continued to grow, alongside each other. Showing interest and support for the other as they stretch out their wings a little further. This image reminds me of a beautiful reading a friend did at our wedding, an excerpt from Captain Corelli’s Mandolin;
To think our eldest daughter is just 10 years away from the age I was when I met my life partner is a wild thought and makes me go really deep into thinking about life, time, existence…it gets trippy.
What else do I want to celebrate about our love? The fact that my lover and my best-friend are the same person!!! Fun, playfulness and being silly is such a priority to us. We’re the kind of couple that still play pranks on one another. It never gets old. We regularly play-wrestle too, it helps a lot.
Lastly, what have I learnt is the MOST valuable tool to thrive together…communication!!! Ah the challenging art of communicating. That’s been our most difficult one, but I think we’ve got there. It was tough as Richard comes from a family where lying was ingrained in their very essence, and communication was painfully absent. But here he is, to prove that you can break the chain of negative family traits.
Under the same umbrella as communication, is the strength to have difficult conversations; we often talk about what we would hypothetically do if one of us were to leave our bodies earlier than expected, if we were to end our marriage for some reason and how we would want to raise our children in light of this. You know, all those cheery conversations, we have them!
To celebrate our love, Rich booked the day off work. Our day began all snuggled together in bed (post on co-sleeping coming soon!), where we opened the window and spontaneously decided to sing very loudly to ‘Follow the sun’, (it’s moments like that which will stay with me forever.) Our favourite breakfast of kitchari filled us up nicely so we could head to the beach for the day. Hide and seek in the sand dunes, rock climbing and breathing in sea air was what filled our afternoon. I booked Rich an appointment for a haircut as a surprise (honestly, he needs a little nudge to take time for himself) and then the 4 of us went for a meal together at the local Japanese restaurant. Because what started as two kids in love, is now 2 adults with 2 kids of their own, and allowing them to witness our love, our joy, our celebration of what we have created, is so important to us. We didn’t exchange gifts, we rarely do. We gift each other our time, our presence.
Change. Play. Communicate = my secret to lasting love ❤
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